About to be really honest!!! So I ended up taking the home pregnancy test yesterday morning and it was negative. I was so angry I threw some spatulas and a bag of garbage! How could this be?? How could it not work again, even with perfect embryos? I was beyond furious! I really thought this cycle was going to work! Why don't those sweet embryos want to make me their home? After I was angry yesterday I just lost it and cried it out for a while and then I was fine. I still had some shread of hope that today's test would be positive somehow, someway! I had blood drawn at 10:30 this morning and then went to work. Around 12pm I started having bright red bleeding (sorry TMI) and freaked out. I've been on progesterone shots and you don't usually start your period while on them, I had never before. I called and called the fertility clinic trying to get ahold of the nurse to make sure I was ok and they are just so busy I couldn't get ahold of anyone. Finally around 2:45 I called and got a little ugly with the people and demanded to speak to someone. The IVF nurse got on the phone and I told her what was going on and she looked up my results and said my Beta was completely zero! Not pregnant! Seriously??? At this point I was actually hoping maybe I was miscarrying, at least then I knew they at least tried to attach, but no. Just not pregnant. My progesterone is high so she doesn't know why I'm bleeding but she thinks it's just my period. I left work cause I was just too upset to be there and we had too many nurses anyways. I am being honest here.... I'm mad, frustrated, disappointed and just outright heartbroken! I seriously just don't understand! I know God has a plan and His timing is so perfect but it is really hard to see that and understand it in times like this. But in a day or so I will have grieved over the embryos that didn't chose to stick around and I will be ok. I trust God with everything inside of me and know His plan for us is so perfect. We still have 6 frozen embryos we can use. We will meet with Dr. Honea a week from today to discuss why this cycle didn't work and the plan for our next try which will be a Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET). I'm not sure when we will do it exactly cause we may take a few months off since this one has hurt so much but if she thinks it's best to keep going we may do that. I am going ahead and being realistic that this may never work for us, as hard as it is to start accepting that I think it will be best if I start that process. Keith and I may go ahead and look into the adoption process in the mean time. Not sure, we will pray about it. I really thought this was going to work for us and it very well might next time. I am certainly hopeful that it will work! Thank you for all the encouraging words and prayers! They have all meant so very much! We feel like we have the largest cheerleading squad behind us cheering for us and praying for us! It really does mean so much! Continue to keep us in your prayers and pray for our healing and peace and for God to direct our paths toward His will! We ultimately just want to be parents!
In Christ Love,
Keith and Stacy
You are both very loved. That in itself is wonderful
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