Results... Disappointing again

About to be really honest!!! So I ended up taking the home pregnancy test yesterday morning and it was negative. I was so angry I threw some spatulas and a bag of garbage! How could this be?? How could it not work again, even with perfect embryos? I was beyond furious! I really thought this cycle was going to work! Why don't those sweet embryos want to make me their home? After I was angry yesterday I just lost it and cried it out for a while and then I was fine. I still had some shread of hope that today's test would be positive somehow, someway! I had blood drawn at 10:30 this morning and then went to work. Around 12pm I started having bright red bleeding (sorry TMI) and freaked out. I've been on progesterone shots and you don't usually start your period while on them, I had never before. I called and called the fertility clinic trying to get ahold of the nurse to make sure I was ok and they are just so busy I couldn't get ahold of anyone. Finally around 2:45 I called and got a little ugly with the people and demanded to speak to someone. The IVF nurse got on the phone and I told her what was going on and she looked up my results and said my Beta was completely zero! Not pregnant! Seriously??? At this point I was actually hoping maybe I was miscarrying, at least then I knew they at least tried to attach, but no. Just not pregnant. My progesterone is high so she doesn't know why I'm bleeding but she thinks it's just my period. I left work cause I was just too upset to be there and we had too many nurses anyways. I am being honest here.... I'm mad, frustrated, disappointed and just outright heartbroken! I seriously just don't understand! I know God has a plan and His timing is so perfect but it is really hard to see that and understand it in times like this. But in a day or so I will have grieved over the embryos that didn't chose to stick around and I will be ok. I trust God with everything inside of me and know His plan for us is so perfect. We still have 6 frozen embryos we can use. We will meet with Dr. Honea a week from today to discuss why this cycle didn't work and the plan for our next try which will be a Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET). I'm not sure when we will do it exactly cause we may take a few months off since this one has hurt so much but if she thinks it's best to keep going we may do that. I am going ahead and being realistic that this may never work for us, as hard as it is to start accepting that I think it will be best if I start that process. Keith and I may go ahead and look into the adoption process in the mean time. Not sure, we will pray about it. I really thought this was going to work for us and it very well might next time. I am certainly hopeful that it will work! Thank you for all the encouraging words and prayers! They have all meant so very much! We feel like we have the largest cheerleading squad behind us cheering for us and praying for us! It really does mean so much! Continue to keep us in your prayers and pray for our healing and peace and for God to direct our paths toward His will! We ultimately just want to be parents!

In Christ Love,

Keith and Stacy

Delayed Beta

Not sure if you saw my Facebook post today but the fertility clinic called me this morning and they are going to be closed tomorrow due to the snow so there will be no beta tomorrow. If you don't know, a beta is the blood pregnancy test, they are much more accurate than a home pregnancy test and give you a specific number. I was pretty upset about this because the waiting for the beta becomes harder and harder as you get closer to the big day. I know, what's one more day?? Well until you go through 10 IUI's and 2 IVF cycles and 6.5 years of infertility like I have you just don't understand the torcher!!! I know there is a reason and God is just allowing me to learn even more patience than I have learned already but this just stinks!! I really hope the extra wait is soooo worth it :). My hubby managed to bring me a first response early result pregnancy test home this afternoon after learning of our dilemma. I have been going back and forth deciding whether to take it tomorrow morning or not. I am terrified to see another negative test but on the other hand I would just love to see those 2 pink lines since I have never had a positive home pregnancy test!!! (My only pregnancy I had decided not to test at home that cycle).... Decisions decisions!! My beta will now be Thursday morning at 7am... Hopefully the roads will be safe by then. Not sure if I will post tomorrow or Thursday so stay tuned and keep praying! I know I'm praying without ceasing!

6dp5dt

So today I am 6 days post the embryo transfer. Boy how things change in a few days! I woke up yesterday feeling so anxious! I was having to take deep breaths cause it was so bad! I prayed for a while and blasted some worship music and felt better. Then had a girls day with my sister and relaxed! We got facials, pedicures, lunch and decaf coffee! It was a much needed day to relax! I feel like a go from elated with happiness to depressed and anxious in a matter of minutes! I'm sure those nasty progesterone shots are the culprit! Then I woke up again this morning feeling so anxious. I felt like I was about to burst out crying any minute! I was just so freaked out thinking "what if it didn't work this time? What if I'm not pregnant again?" I started working myself up into a frenzy about it. Then it was like I heard God whisper to me "Do you not Trust me enough, Stacy?" Well of course I trust God! But when we allow our minds to become overwhelmed with fear and anxiety we are letting God know that we don't trust him enough. It is so easy to trust God when things are going great and everything is wonderful and working out to "our plan" but do we really trust God enough in the times when we feel fearful and anxious and feel like things aren't going to work out to our plan and our desires. Trusting God is trusting in His plan and His timing. We are all human and we all feel anxious and worry, but it's in those times when we truly need to put our faith and trust in Him! So this afternoon I really do feel much better! I am choosing to trust God in His timing even if it's not what I am hoping and praying so hard for this time! As for how I'm feeling otherwise, I had some cramping and low back pain this morning which is totally from the progesterone and I've got heartburn so bad I could breath fire but other than that I feel good. God has got this, now I've got to remember that even when I'm anxious! 3 more days left till we find out! Stay tuned!

3dp5dt

So today I am 3dp5dt which means 3 days post a 5 day old embryo transfer. The time is ticking no doubt but ticking slowly! The question I have received frequently is "how are you feeling?" So I figured I would do a quick blog post to post how I'm feeling so far. Up to this point I have felt completely normal so far. No "symptoms" to note thus far. Last cycle at this stage in the waiting I was having cramps and was super emotional. So maybe that's a good thing I'm not having any of that at this time, maybe it means nothing at all. After all, I am receiving progesterone injections daily so it can make a woman feel all kinds of things including pregnancy like symptoms so there is no telling what it what at this point. All I can do is remain relaxed, calm and patient. Yeah that's not so easy, haha! I remain prayerful and cautiously optimistic as the waiting continues and hope the time starts ticking a little faster! Is it Wednesday yet??? :)

I'm PUPO!!

Today has to be one of the best days ever! PUPO= pregnant until proven otherwise... We had our embryo transfer at 12:15pm today at the fertility clinic. When we got there we had no idea how the embryos were and what the quality was. Needless to say I was a nervous wreck! We had specifically been praying for perfect quality embryos since last cycle our embryos were good but they were no where near perfect (last cycle we had a 4BA and a 3BB). The most perfect grade an embryo can receive is 5AA so that's what we were praying and hoping for! They got us all ready to take us back to the OR and the embryologist told us we had at least 5 embryos to freeze! We were just beyond thrilled with that number especially since we didn't have any to freeze last cycle! My mom had been specifically praying for 7 total (2 to transfer and 5 to freeze) since 7 is Gods perfect number! CHILLS!!! Then Dr Honea came in and she said we had 2 perfect embryos a 5AA and a 5AB!!!!! Thank you JESUS!!!! We couldn't stop smiling!!! We have 7 beautiful embryos! God is soooo good! They transferred the 2 embryos into my uterus and I didn't feel a thing and then Dr. Honea held hands with us and prayed with us. What a surreal moment that was! The pictures below are the 2 embryos that are now resting peacefully inside me and the other is Keith and I right before we went into the OR! I am now resting with my feet up! Be praying with us these precious embryos make my uterus their home for the next 9 months and that everything with be healthy! My pregnancy test is next Wednesday January 29! It is about to be longest 9 days ever! I am just sooo happy this cycle has gone so much better and God has shown His faithfulness in the small things as well as the big things! 

Embryo update

We heard from the embryologist this morning! There are now 2 more that starting growing but they are not as good of quality. The others all look good and she said she is happy with how they look today! They won't take them out and look at them again until Monday! The ones that are still growing and thriving on Tuesday will be frozen. We are hoping for at least several to freeze for future siblings so that we don't have to go through this part of IVF again (it really stinks)! I've been having a hard time recovering this time around as I am experiencing mild hyperstimulation but thankfully it is very mild and not severe. I feel much better this morning! Monday is the day we transfer the best 2 of the bunch into my uterus! I will do acupuncture before and after the embryo transfer to relax and they also give me a Valium! Haha! I started the progesterone shots Thursday night! This has to be the worst part of the IVF process! These things hurt and cause all kinds of side effects! Last IVF cycle it took 10 weeks for my butt to recover from those shots! I know every uncomfortable and painful thing I have experienced with IVF will all be sooo worth it the day they tell me I am finally pregnant! I can't wait until Monday! Continue to pray with us for our miracle babies! God continues to be sooo Good!!! 

                                       

Fertilization report

So I just spoke to the fertility clinic! Out of the 36 eggs retrieved 29 of them were mature. They can't do the ICSI procedure with the sperm unless the eggs are mature so 29 mature eggs is incredible! Last IVF cycle we had 8 mature eggs so we are starting off soooo much better! I'm not posting specifically how many have fertilized just yet cause I want to wait till we know how they are growing but I must tell you guys that we are VERY HAPPY with the number! I will get a call Saturday morning from the embryologist to tell us how they are growing! I can't wait! The embryo transfer is Monday at 12:15pm! Soooo excited! God is sooo good and I can feel His hand in the middle of this!

Just call me an egg carton!

Egg retrieval was this morning and you all will not believe how many eggs they retrieved! 36!!!!!!!! That's right, 36 eggs were retrieved! Last IVF cycle they retrieved 12. Very exciting! We are just praying they are mature and healthy! We will know how many were mature and how many fertilized tomorrow! I am having a hard time with the medicine given from the retrieval and threw up 2 times on the way home... :(! Pray for my quick recovery and for those eggs to be mature and healthy! I'll post update tomorrow when we hear! Now I'm going back to sleep now! :) God is sooo good!

Egg Retrieval Wednesday!

Went again this am for another ultrasound and bloodwork! The nurse said there are at least 30 follicles today.... Wow! I got a picture but I'm updating this post from my phone and it won't let me upload the picture but I will upload it later cause it's interesting to see! Estrogen level is 1,660 today and progesterone is 1.0. Uterine lining is measuring 1.0 so it's nice and thick! Most of the follicles are measuring mature which is 1.8cm and doctor just called and said we are ready to trigger for the egg retrieval! I will take 15,000 IU of HCG tonight at 10:00pm which will trigger the follicles to release the eggs. Retrieval will be Wednesday morning at 10:00am but we have to be there at 8:30am. So it's a little sooner than we thought but excited none the less! Tomorrow I will have to take a fleets enema at dinner time (booooo!!!!!) and then nothing to eat or drink after midnight! So far everything is looking great so prayers are working! Continue to pray with us that egg retrieval goes well and that we have lots of mature eggs with no complications and that I will not get hyperstimulation after the egg retrieval! We are one step closer to our miracle(s)! Come on Baby Wooten!!!! :) God is good!

"Cluster of Grapes"

Went to fertility clinic this am at 7:30 for labs and ultrasound. During the ultrasound, the nurse looked at a broad view of my ovary and said "wow, your ovary looks like a cluster of grapes!" She also said that my body doesn't know that I only have 1 ovary, it is producing like I have 2 ovaries so that is pretty awesome! Today I had 24 follicles growing so 1 was hiding the other day!! 24 follicles, wow, that is 10 more than last cycle! We are sure are praying there are healthy mature eggs inside those follicles! My uterine lining is a millimeter thicker today than on Thursday, which is what you want. It was .8 Thursday and today it is .9. My estrogen level is 1,095 and progesterone level is 0.7. Last IVF cycle my estrogen level never went about 1000 so this is awesome! It's the little things I am so thankful for! I will continue the shots tonight and tomorrow night and go back Monday morning for labs and ultrasound and I still am on track for egg retrieval on Thursday! Thanks for following our story and journey! Continue to pray with us for our miracle(s)!!! God gets all the glory for everything!

Amazing Follicle growth!

Just left the fertility clinic with a smile on my face! There are 23 follicles growing!!!! 😃 That's an amazing number for a girl with 1 ovary! Last IVF cycle I had about 14 growing so this cycle is producing many more already! My uterine lining is nice and thick too! Estrogen level was 498 and progesterone was 0.3. They want me to start the Ganirelix injection tonight also.  I will go back on Saturday for a follicle check again and lab work. Continue to pray that I don't get hyperstimulation and that these follicles produce healthy and mature eggs! Will update again after the next follicle check! Praise God for He is sooo GOOD!

Im shooting up

Sorry I have been MIA! As many of you know, my precious nephew came into the world at 11:47am on New Years Day weighing 8lbs 6oz. I have spent every waking moment with him if im not at work. I was telling my sister that I cant imagine how I will feel when I meet my baby(s) for the first time cause I just love that baby so much and he isnt even mine! Today is day 3 of the injections. I started the shots Sunday night and they consist of 2 different medicines mixed in 1 syringe that I inject into my abdomen. The meds are 375iu Follistim + 75iu Menopur. Just to give you an idea of the cost of the medicines, 1 vial of follistim is 300iu which actually has about 425iu of overfill cost $260 and 1 vial menupur which is 75iu exactly cost $80. Thats a total of about $340 per night injected into my abdomen. I wish these medicines had fat dissolving properties to them, at least then I would feel like my money was doing something useful. haha!!! At this phase in the injections, the meds are stimulating my ovary to grow those 20+ follicles I had on my baseline ultrasound. We want as many follicles to grow and produce a healthy egg as possible without causing me to hyperstimulate so pray specifically that I do not hyperstimulate as I am at high risk for it this cycle with the increase in medication dosage. Hyperstimualtion can be very dangerous and could send me to an ICU if I got it so we are praying very hard that there is no hyperstimulation. I go to the clinic Thurday morning at 7:30 for the first follicle check via ultrasound and labs. After that, I will more than likely go to the clinic every other day for labs and ultrasound until the follicles have grown to the size of maturity. The projected day of egg retrieval is next Thursday Janurary 16, but that day will depend on how the follicles grow. The embryo transfer will be 5 days after the egg retrieval. We will transfer 2 embryos God willing we have 2 healthy ones! I did have the endometrial scratch procedure this past Thursday. It was super painful but just hoping it helps those embroys stick!!!  I will post again on Thursday after the ultrasound! Please continue to pray with us that this cycle is Gods timing for our miracles!!!! :)