The Eve of the Beta!

Well the longest week of my life is coming to an end soon. I go for my beta (blood pregnancy test) tomorrow morning at 7:30am. I am sick at my stomach, nervous, anxious and flat out TERRIFIED!!!! I was so excited and hopeful and believing I would be pregnant this time up until Monday! Monday morning I woke up at 3:30am with so much anxiety about whether this cycle worked. I cried all morning and at work I was just a hot mess. Finally got it together mid morning and was fine the rest of the day. Yesterday I woke up at 6am and couldn't go back to sleep.... Still so anxious and worried about whether it worked or not. I hysterically cried for 3 hours. My husband told me to go get out of the house and treat myself to a pedicure. I knew the devil was placing all this fear and anxiety in me so I started blaring worship music in our house and began praying out loud. Praying that those embryos had implanted and were growing. I spoke life over them and my uterus. I felt so much peace after that. Not peace that it had worked for sure but peace that would cover me whether it worked or it didn't work. I went and got my pedicure and relaxed the rest of yesterday and felt good. Today, I'm not in an emotional state like I have been the last 2 days but I'm just still playing the "am I pregnant" game in my head. If you have never had a problem getting pregnant then u don't know that infertility consumes your thoughts. That's all I think about and talk about. When someone tells me to just relax and not think about it so much I want to punch them! (Ha, not really). There is no possible way to not think about it. We just shelled out almost 20k to have a baby so there is a lot at stake here. I have come to the realization today that no matter what happens tomorrow that God is in this 100% and he has ordained our path! If the phone rings tomorrow and I hear "I'm sorry, you are not pregnant" I'm not going to lie, I will be beyond heartbroken but it doesn't mean God is saying no, it means He is saying not this time. If it doesn't work we are thankful we get to try this 2 more times for the money we paid. We will heal and try again if it doesn't work. If it does work, we will celebrate a beautiful miracle and be so ever thankful to Jesus for this blessing. Thank you to everyone who has called or text us or sent us a Facebook message, y'all have been so encouraging and positive and I have desperately needed that! I am still believing for a miracle, but also believing in Gods perfect timing! We will conceive and have a beautiful baby or babies, if it's not this time it will be the next! I will post either tomorrow or Friday with the results! Please continue praying with us! God is good!