Isaiah 43:2 "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze."
As I begin to start writing this post tears run down my face. They are not tears of sadness but they are tears of gratefulness. I reflect back and think about everything I have walked through in my life and I am overjoyed that God brought me though it. It all started when I was 14, everything was normal before then. I remember being so on fire for God at that age. I remember being told that I was "anointed." What did that mean? I didn't know. On July 11, 1998, my world changed. My dad, Steve McSweeney, at the age of 39 was putting in an attic fan and a live wire struck him on his heart and killed him instantly. How could this be? How could God take my dad from me? I still needed him! I hadn't even started dating yet.... who was going to threaten all the boys for me? At his funeral, I remember seeing so many lives changed and saved. I thought to myself, I want to leave an impact on this earth like my dad did, what an amazing testimony to the life he led (well the latter part that is, haha, he was quite the wild guy before he got saved). I remember being sad but never being depressed because I knew God would care for us always, and He did! He brought a wonderful man into my moms life and she was remarried.
In December, 2000, I was told 3 of the scariest words I have ever heard... "You have cancer"! WHAT? I am 16 years old. How can I have cancer? I had a very large tumor growing on my left ovary which was cancerous. I had it removed followed by a very vigorous chemotherapy course. I lost all my hair and threw up almost daily for months and months. I was determined....determined to beat it and make God the center of everything and when I was told I was in remission, God received all the Glory. I kept a sense of humor in the midst of the storm I was currently experiencing because there was no need to cry and wallow in my sorrows. I was wondering if having an "anointing" meant walking through trial after trial because that's how it felt. Was God testing me? Was He allowing me to walk through all this to someday give Him Glory through it? I didn't know but I was going to praise Him through everything! After I was in remission, my hair grew back (very slowly might I add) and I went on to experience normal teenager experiences.... boyfriends, break ups, broken hearts, college, sorority life (thank you Jesus for forgiveness during some one those years, haha)!
Then marriage came in 2007. I wanted to have kids right away because I have always loved children so much. We tried and tried and in the middle of all that, my husband was told he was going to have to have his entire large colon removed due to severe ulcerative colitis that he was diagnosed with the week after our wedding. No meds were really helping relieve his symptoms. He had the surgery done and was in the hospital longer than expected due to some post operative complications such as an ileus and pneumonia. That was pretty rough! I had never seen Keith so sick before. Broke my heart to see him so helpless but he got better and now is doing fine from everything. So we continued to try for a baby. After we saw a fertility doctor and was told we would probably never conceive naturally and that the only option was IVF, I cried and cried and cried some more. WHY GOD??? Why are you letting me go through another storm? Haven't I been through enough? I just want a baby, that's not too much to ask, God! But I didn't really hear an answer back.... We prayed and prayed for a child. All I heard was, "in MY time, Stacy".... Well can you tell me when that is, God? Years went by... I became angry at God. Bitter towards everyone who was getting pregnant (which was everyone).... I didn't want to feel that way, but I did. If I got one more baby shower invitation in the mail I was going to lose it! After all the failed attempts to conceive and our miscarriage I was broken and in a dark place. I prayed but felt nothing. I use to think that if my sister got pregnant before I did that I would have to be sent to a mental institution..... But on May 5, 2013, my sister shower up at my front door. I knew exactly why she was there. I had known the whole day in my heart, it was as if God had been preparing me. I let her in and said "so, are you here to tell me you are pregnant?" She responded yes and began to cry, as did I. I hugged her and we cried in an embrace for a long time. Lots of thoughts went through my mind, one of which was WHY GOD??? Not again, I cant handle this, its not fair! But I told her congratulations with a smile and tried not to be bitter or angry. However, the exact opposite happened in the wake of her news. I didn't need to be sent to a mental institution. I had prayed for her pregnancy and her baby and prayed that God would rid my heart of all anger and bitterness. So, one day I woke up and was ecstatic for her and her husband! I felt no anger, bitterness or self pity. GOD HAD SET ME FREE! I never thought that my sister being pregnant would help heal my heart but it did! God knew exactly what He was doing. I could not be happier for her and cant wait to meet my nephew! I really feel like my heart has been healed from everything in the past few years with our fertility journey. My heart is now open and ready to accept the next journey God has for us.
I wanted to share my testimony to you all to say this. God allows us to walk through these storms and trials in life, not to bog us down or put us in a hole which we cannot get out of, but to allow us to completely and fully rely on Him and walk through Him in each and every circumstance. If you walk through the fire with Jesus hand in hand, you WILL NOT GET BURNED! You may get tired and feel like He isn't there with you in the midst of it, but He is! He will never leave you nor forsake you (Deut. 31:6). People tell me all the time after hearing my story, "you are such a strong person". Its in my weakness that God has made me strong! I am living proof that you can make it through the fire that you are currently walking though. Keep believing and trusting in Him! God is Faithful!
Amen
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